This is a transcript for the twenty-first episode of the first season of Space Goofs.


(The salesman rings the doorbell. But, Gorgious, Bud and Stereo are watching TV in a chair until they've heard the doorbell ring.)

Stereo #2: Gorgious, be a good egg and get the door.

Gorgious: No! You get the door!

Stereo #2: We got it last time. It's your turn!

Gorgious: I'm not leaving this couch! (hearing the doorbell ring two times) Bud, get the door.

Bud: No way! The best part of the movie is coming up.

Gorgious: But you've seen this movie a hundred times.

Bud: That's not true. I've only seen it 99 times.

Gorgious: Get the door!

Candy: (opening the door) Please! Don't everybody get up at once? I'll get the door!

SMTV Chorus: La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaaaaa! (The salesman is ringing the doorbell multiple times and Candy transformed into a woman by the SMTV is coming downstairs)

Candy: Just a minute. I'm coming, I'm coming! (opening the door) Yes? Can I help you?

Salesman: Good day, mam. Lovely weather we're having. (Candy looking at the salesman) In fact, it's so hot I could use a cold drink. (Getting out the pocket knife-like device known as the Housewife's Friend) Need a bottle opener? Or, how about a wrench? Maybe a screwdriver? I know. You need a vacuum cleaner.

Candy: Eh, uh, well, as a matter of fact, eh...

Salesman: This is the household aid of the future. "The Housewife's Friend!" (showing this object like an advertisement) It's a chiffy handy pocket pal with a hundred uses. (giving it to Candy)

Candy: Wow! Oh, it's terrific. But it does cost a fortune.

Salesman: Not so, my strange little friend. This modern miracle only cost a poultry sum of... (Looking at his hands at Candy) Five dollars! And if you're not completely satisfied, you get all your money back.

Candy: I'll take it! (giving money to the salesman)

Salesman: Thank you very much, mam.

Candy: Boy! Wait 'til I show this to my... eh... family. (walking in the foyer)

Salesman: (with an envious grin) What an easy sale that was. This house is a gold mine. (getting a little box with the African Red Termite and whispering at him) Just follow her. (The termite is winking at him and going into the Aliens' house eating a wooden stairway but Candy is trying to open a can with the Housewife's Friend)

Bud: What the...? Hey! (The termite eating Bud's chair and Bud falling down the first floor)

Etno: What the...? (The termite is eating his stool and his table while Etno's doing his experiment)

Gorgious: What the...? (The termite eating Gorgious' ham and the table with Stereo holding the cards during a game of poker)

Candy: Yes! (eating a wooden hammer into a toothpick trying to get the Housewife's Friend to open) Who's that? (The termite running around until being squashed by Etno's foot)

Etno: Gotcha! You little whirling derfish! (getting his microscope and picking the termite up) What do we have here? (The termite laughing evilly) A termite. A veracious eater of wood.

Bud: But our house is made of wood. Oh, no! You gotta go! (The termite burping at him with toothpicks in his face and screaming) Ahh!

Candy: (with his flyswatter) No bug's gotta eat me out of house and home! (He is trying to hit the termite with it until he snatches it from Candy and starts screaming) D'oh? Ahhh! (The termite was chasing Candy away until he was stopped by Stereo with a bug poison spray.)

Stereo #1: I'll handle this pest! (Sprays the termite to poison him with green smoke until he starts inhale and exhale on Stereo to turn his two heads yellow and falls down on the floor)

Red Termite: (snatches the bug spray trying to poison the aliens) All right, you bunch of sissies! I'll take on the lot of ya!

Etno: Stand back, he's not bluffing!

(The termite runs off and the gang runs off too, but they looked at the surveillance from the TV to see everything eaten at the first floor with the termite's mound.)

Etno: The termite has built itself a home downstairs.

Gorgious: That thing will eat through our house in no time. We gotta get rid of it!

Candy, Gorgious, Bud and Stereo: Etno, do something!

Etno: Calm down, calm down. Let me think. (thinking and hearing the doorbell ring plus turning on the surveillance footage from the porch with the Salesman)

Candy: Hey! That's the guy who sold me the Housewife's Friend. I'm gotta go get my money back for that useless gadget.

Etno: We'll all go, Candy. These humans can be tricky to deal with sometimes.

SMTV Chorus: La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaaaaa! La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

(The gang getting on the SMTV changing it into vacuum cleaners, buckets and mops, a washer, and finally the family (Father Etno, Sister Gorgious, Brothers Stereo and Bud, and Mother Candy)

Etno: (with his pipe blowing bubbles) Yes?

Salesman: Excuse me, mam. Eh, sorry to disturb you and your family again, but I... forgot to give you your pot holder that comes with your purchase of the Housewife's Friend. (gasping and eyeing the foyer where the termite mound is found) Termites, eh? Tsk, tsk, tsk. This looks serious. Hmmm. Let me see. The only thing that'll get rid of that termite is, the Giant Peruvian Anteater! As a matter of fact, I just happened to have a sale on anteaters this week.

Candy: Well, I don't think...

Salesman: That's just it! You don't have to think! I've done all that for you! Yes, an anteater is what you need.

Candy: But an anteater, too?

Salesman: (with a big box) Of course, I've got the only one left and they are selling fast and I did promise it at the guy down at the street. (The Aliens are looking at the Salesman and he's whistling plus Candy biting his fingers) Well, I can see you're not interested, I'll just...

Candy: We'll take it! (giving six dollar bills to the salesman)

Salesman: (opening a box and letting the Anteater in) A very smart buy if I do say so myself. (The Anteater going into the house and in the kitchen slamming the door open)

Candy: Huh? (gasping with the others in shock)

(The Anteater is trying to get the food out of the refrigerator, but Candy goes to the kitchen, having to force him to eat the termite)

Candy: Huh? Ah, ah, ahem!

Anteater: (with his sandwich) Yeah, what do you want?

Candy: Aren't you going to do anything about that insect?

(The anteater and Candy are walking straight to the Red Termite's mound and he opens and smashes it up with his hand eating his sandwich)

Red Termite: Hey, were you raised in a barn?

Anteater: Look, lady, that's a termite. I'm an anteater. I don't eat termites. Let me keep the mustard in this dump!

Red Termite: Here you go! (Handing the anteater his bottle of mustard)

Gorgious: Alright, you bug-eating bum! It's time to hit the... (he starts fighting with the anteater and the Termite is watching him.)

Red Termite: That's the stuff. Let him have it! (laughing evilly)

Candy: (grabbing and hanging on Etno's jacket) Etno, do something!

(The salesman ringing the doorbell again)

Etno: Don't you worry, Candy. I'll handle this!

Salesman: I'm terribly sorry to disturb you sir, but can I use your phone?

Etno: Now, you listen, you. That anteater you sold us is defective. I demand that you get rid of that thing immediately.

Salesman: Sure, there's only one natural enemy of both the African Red Termite and the Giant Peruvian Anteater and that's, the common variety garden elf. (He's grabbing the garden elf's white hat and the elf is speaking gibberish)

Etno: Look, maybe you think you could fool my, eh... wife with your talk. But I've got you figured out!

Salesman: Sir, I would certainly be the fool. If I were to try to trick such an obviously, highly-intelligent man as yourself, I can see that you sir, are a hyper-intelligent being. A being possessing an ultra sensitive brain which can detective law even the most honest of salesmen. Are you a member of Mensa?

Etno: (chuckling happily) Uh, well, eh.

Salesman: Yes, I could tell by the giant cranium lobe. I could spot a fellow member anywhere. Now, about this elf. Let's get this common little problem of yours solved, so, we can get back to discussing your brilliant brain.

Etno: Yes, well. (chuckling) How much do you say it was?

(The scene continues fighting with colorful rainbow stars and white clouds until Gorgious was down to the ground by the Anteater.)

Elf: (roaring)

Both: Ah! (screaming)

(They're running away plus the Elf is chasing after both of them, speaking gibberish leading them to the kitchen table and fighting, but Etno opens the door and watches them sitting down for lunch, but it was stopped by him)

Etno: Alright you three, the party is over. Get out, now!

All: Hey, shut that door! (Etno slams the door)

Salesman: (showing on a watch) 3... 2... 1... (Etno bursts running the door and screams loudly losing his temper)

Etno: (frustrated and angry at the salesman) That's it! I've had it with you and your... (pokes in his jacket) stupid gimmicking things! You're going to do something about these parasites! (pulls his face and grabs his green shirt) And you're going to do it... (yells at him) NOW!!!

Salesman: Whoa, whoa, little fella! I'd be happy to help. (grabbing Etno's jacket and putting him down) What you need is someone to negotiate with these parasites and I just happened to be a registered, licensed arbitration lawyer. My card. (showing Etno his card) (Walking from the kitchen to the foyer to hear news from the aliens.) Good news! They'll all leave if there each pay twenty dollars.

Etno: (angry with a steam in his head, his hand pointing left to the door when the three have to get out of their house and everyone looking at him) Fine, fine. Just get them out! Get them out! (The Anteater, Red Termite and the Elf now leaves the house and the Salesman tries to leave but was stopped by Etno hitting him with his pipe.)

Etno: Hold it! Listen you, you huckster! (grabbing the salesman's bow tie) We paid, and paid, and paid. And for what? I... demand... (with his bloodshot eyes and shaking his head angrily) satisfaction!

Salesman: You are absolutely right. (Etno smiling happily hugely) According to the guarantee, you're entitled to a full refund. I'll take that. (giving back The Housewife's Friend and now giving a one dollar bill to Candy, smiling happily) And for you sir (giving Etno a bill), a bill for my attorney fees (The paper drops and Etno giving back the one dollar bill to him plus a wink and a smile.)